My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize