just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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