I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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