Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
