I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
