By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
