I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
