Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
