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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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