Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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