if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
