Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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