you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
