That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
