I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
