nut hugger
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
