i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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