wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
