He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize