Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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