dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
