I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
