you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
