could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
