You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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