Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
