I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
