Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
