the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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