I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I still have a little drunk in my system
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
