I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
