Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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