Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize