My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
