my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
