My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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