Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
