next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
