The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
