Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The air was thick with penises
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
