I want to have your abortion
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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