RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
