you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize