It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
