I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
