Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
