Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't deserve a penis
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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