honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
