My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
