i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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