Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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