can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
