I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
