A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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