Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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