Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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