No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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