Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
