The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
