i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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