They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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