There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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