i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
