i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
