I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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