He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize