I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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