my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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