I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They have beer where we have blood.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
