you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
