and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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